The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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