she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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