The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
