We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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