i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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