My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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