...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
