he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
