The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
