I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
