didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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