I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
