Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
jump out the window naked night went bad
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
