Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
