my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
