I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
