Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
