I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
