Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
