This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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