sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I met the friendliest cop last night
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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