You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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