Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
