If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
