not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
