He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize