I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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