I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
