I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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