I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
