p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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