ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize