I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
