I got chris browned last night
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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