how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
