half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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