he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
