She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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