we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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