you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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