Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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