I think I died a long time ago.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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