i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize