Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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