i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
