told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
