So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
