I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
