she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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