addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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