he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
