I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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