I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
