I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
