I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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