I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
