I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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