I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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