Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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