allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
BRING THE BAGELS
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
