Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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