whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
