i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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