I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
