Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Four minutes until I can fart!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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