my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
