What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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