high people should be assigned attendants
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
