in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
