the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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