ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
