Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize