i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
