pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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