I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
