i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
