Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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