This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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