If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
