I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
