D3 body, D1 cock
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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