"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
