There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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