so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize