Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
