So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
