Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
