i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize