I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
