His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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