i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
