remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
