The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
