I could make wine with my vomit
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
